Home » Blog » Partners Are People Too » DOES A LAZY MARRIAGE WORK?


 I love contrarians.

Since I am a contrarian myself, I have a special affinity for others who will “buck the trend” in an honest pursuit of truth, honesty, and sanity.

Noah Berlatsky is one such trend-bucker.

He takes on the prevailing mandate for working on your marriage and holds a finger up in caution:

Not so fast.

Believe it or not, Noah says, you can work too hard at a marriage.

I agree.

As a matter fact, I can name three areas in which I think most couples just work too damn hard.

  1. Communication. Not everything could and should be talked about. Not everything is an issue. Not everything has to be seen eye-to-eye. Sometimes it’s best to just let it drop.
  2. Having fun. There is no such thing as the perfect evening, or the most romantic date with your partner. Try as you might, something always pops up related to the kids, the house, the job, or whatever. Chilling, chatting, or just scooping some ice cream together are often all it takes to renew the bond.
  3. Parenting. Of course your child needs attention, care, nurturing, and nourishment. Supervision, direction, and guidelines are all important… in measured doses. But after a while, enough is enough. Leave the kid alone for a while. He or she may surprise you with an ability to manage and even thrive without your constant hovering. Cut the poor kid some slack and let him breathe.

I preach the gospel of moderation not just as an amateur philosopher but also as a life insurance broker.

I find that couples who know how to not overdo it can make buying decisions more efficiently. It’s much easier to do business with them.

What about you?

Are you overdoing it in your marriage, or have you learned how to “slack off” a bit?