Navigating Money Talks Is Like This
by Angie Carlson
Navigating money talks is like arriving in a foreign country where you thought you spoke the language, only to realize your ‘hello’ means ‘goodbye’ to the locals.
I notice so many couples think that their financial challenges will go away when their spouse finally understands what they are trying to say.
Which will leave you both frustrated when:
- You carefully track every dollar in your shared budget app, while your partner nods along but still makes purchases that seem “off plan” to you.
- You agree to save for a house, but the timeline is off by years
- You both say “we need to be better with money” yet don’t know what that looks like
- You walk away from every money conversation feeling more disconnected
Because when you two keep
- Doing what you know
- Not getting results either of you want
- Wondering what will actually work
That starts to impact the two of you even wanting to be in the same room together…
…it’s amplifying that tension both of you want gone ASAP.
Just like screaming “WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?” at the top of your lungs in English won’t be understood where everyone speaks Swahili, repeating “WE NEED TO STICK TO THE BUDGET!” with more intensity won’t suddenly make your spouse see your perspective.
You can be saying all the right words, but the fact they can’t understand doesn’t change.
What will help is both parties finding a new way to communicate in a way that ALL of you understand.
Similarly, until you and your spouse find the best way for the two of you to work as a team with your money – you can keep trying to start that money talk multiple times a day, but you’ll continue to be disappointed with waiting on your spouse to understand your words.
The solution?
Leave the country (just kidding)
- Take time to understand what YOUR spouse is saying
- Try asking “What does financial security look like to you?” instead of “Why don’t you follow our budget?”
- Give them patience and grace when they can’t think of the words you need to hear for their point of view to make sense to you
- Ask questions to guide them closer to what you need to see their opinion
Like J and G, who went from consistent money fights to making their first major financial together without a single argument & in complete agreement because they understood their spouse’s point of view.
Need a financial translator who speaks both your languages?
You know the coach for that.
