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Bette Midler’s Rules for Marriage

Star singer, actress, and comedian Bette Midler married her husband in Vegas, after only having known him for six weeks. But unlike other Vegas weddings, Midler’s didn’t end with a hangover the next morning – this year Midler and her husband will be celebrating thirty years together. In the latest issue of PEOPLE Magazine, Midler shares her rules for a successful marriage – starting with “Give each other some space.”

I think she is sharing some wisdom and common sense with us. Here are some particularly practical tips:

“It’s best to pick your fights wisely and just meditate. Stay calm. Don’t go from zero to 60 in two seconds. Just stay calm and try to breathe,” she says. “Breathing is really important.” Most of all, “Don’t diminish each other. Don’t make each other less. Don’t try to make each other wrong all the time. Don’t blame. Stop assigning blame. The blaming, I think, is the worst part. It’s so [easy to do], because you don’t want to carry the burden yourself. You want to push it onto someone else,” she says.

I have many couples as clients who buy life insurance in their 60s and 70s. The kids are out of the house, the mortgage is paid, and they have no more business obligations. Yet, they buy it. In the words of one, “I love him and I want to make sure he’d be okay without me.” That is a sign of a good marriage.